


Impossible to ignore

by reallyokaygirl



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-15 23:02:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21026192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reallyokaygirl/pseuds/reallyokaygirl
Summary: All Joohyun wanted was a one-night stand. Instead she met Seulgi.





	Impossible to ignore

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know about you, but I’m a sucker for these fanfic tropes: a one-night stand that “goes wrong” (but in a good way), friends with benefits, mutual pining, one person’s a commitment-phobe and the other person’s waiting around for them, and unnecessary smut. So I put them all in one.
> 
> Also, I promise, this is aggressively fluffy. It's really all I know how to write. 
> 
> Title from goodnight n go by Ariana Grande.

** _First night_ **

Joohyun was out of place.

She pushed her way through the throngs of people, finding herself deeper towards the heart of the club. The bass from the speakers throbbed around her, loud and urgent, adding to the energy of her surroundings. People all around, with the same end goal - to drink, dance and hook-up.

She was acting so unlike herself right now.

On a Friday night, she was usually found staying late at the office, or with a small group of friends or, more likely, continuing her workday from home. Never alone at a club, scoping out the crowd to find someone. Someone worthy of a notable night in Joohyun’s life. Tonight was a night of firsts.

First time at a club alone.

First time looking for a casual fling.

Hopefully tonight was going to be her first one-night stand.

This was all so new for Joohyun. She had only been with women who she had been in relationships with. She was not one to go out and just, in the words of her friend Sooyoung, _‘get some.’ _But she had also been reminded by said friend of her recent foray into _‘long-term singleness.’_

Not that being single was a bad thing. Dating wasn’t a priority for her at all. And if the few relationships that she’d been in had taught her anything, it’s that she was bound to be hurt or disappointed or both.

As a result, Joohyun was reluctant to date more. What was it worth if it would inevitably end, as if she didn’t matter in the first place?

Without the distractions of a relationship, she had been able to focus more on her career. Journalism was a cutthroat industry. She was always competing for the best stories, for the most bylines, for the biggest scoop. Her sexist editor didn’t make things any easier, always giving her male coworkers the more interesting stories and her the boring pieces.

Her last assignment was the opening of a pillow-manufacturing factor outside the city. She submitted a beautiful 500-word article, waxing poetic about sleep, the cycle of life and the implications of a free market economy on the furniture industry. It was, in the begrudging words of her editor, “too well-written to _not_ publish,” earning her another byline and a little boost in self-esteem. Her clueless straight, cis male co-workers started to call her Pillow Princess as a result.

The irony was not lost on her.

The next week she was hopeful. The editor complimented her work, surely this meant something better. She expected to work on one of the growing scandals with the police force, or a story about international trade agreements. But _no_.

This time, an article on the series of trees being planted nearby.

Seriously.

She _thought_ that she was using her dissatisfaction with work to fuel her hunger for success. It was making her want to work harder, to prove them all wrong. She was always an overachiever in everything she did. If they meant working extra hours, so be it.

But that blow seemed to have been the one to break her.

According to her friends (especially one in particular - Sooyoung), she had been a _little_ too uptight. According to her friends (again, mostly just Sooyoung), her intense focus on work had only wound her so tightly that they were all afraid she was going to snap.

Their concerns all came up when Joohyun lost a playful game of Penguin Trap, and she proceeded to throw the poor penguin out the window.

Sooyoung’s words rang through her head.

_“You need to get laid, unnie. You’re going to go crazy. Go find a girl. For all of our sakes.”_

When Sooyoung said that to her, her initial reaction was to hit her - so she did. Joohyun was not one to put any emphasis on sex in any relationship. For her, the emotional bond was key.

Plus, frankly, she was offended that her friend reduced her genuine frustrations with work to some nonsensical sex-deprivation. 

But the more she thought about it, well…

She _really_ needed to get some.

Her work life was leaving her wholly unsatisfied. Something that easily could satisfy her?

_Sex._

Joohyun missed the way she felt when she brought another woman to climax, hot and powerful, unlike any other feeling. She missed feeling wanted.

She missed being _in_ _control_.

And honestly, her own hand, as practiced as it was, did not suffice.

She needed someone else.

An itch needed to be scratched. Once she was able to satisfy this craving, she’d be able to be her usual self. And no penguins would be lost to the streets of Seoul ever again.

She wasn’t looking for a relationship though, still not wanting to bother with that. So, she listed some rules for herself:

  1. Make sure that she knows this is a one-time thing only
  2. She has to be hot
  3. Don’t spend the night
  4. Don’t tell her your real name
  5. She has to be really hot, Joohyun, don’t waste your time if she isn’t!!!

(She wrote the rules down in her notebook, to make it official.)

It had only taken her a couple weeks since the “Penguin incident” to work up the nerve to go out. The catalyst was earlier that day. She had essentially done _all_ of the work for her lazy coworker’s article - she interviewed most of the sources, done all the fact checking - yet her editor praised _him_ for his work.

It took everything in her to not wring his neck.

It all led to this night, where Joohyun found herself at the bar. She hadn’t yet ordered a drink. She wanted to be sober, and in the least, she wanted whoever she was going to hook-up with to buy it for her.

She looked out at the crowd. Despite being surrounded by beautiful woman in the room, she was looking for someone special.

Someone who caught her eye. Someone who was more than just a pretty face.

If she was going to have a one-night stand, the girl had to be perfect.

Then she spotted _her_.

She was stunning. Sharp eyes, that held so much expression and mystery all at the same time. Beautiful, full lips that seemed to be begging to be kissed.

Her body was incredible. Long, strong legs that were covered in tight, leather pants. The sleeveless top she was wearing showed off her toned midsection - abs that Joohyun wanted to run her fingers over.

The woman was also on her own, but on the dance floor. She gracefully moved to the music, mesmerizing everyone around her. Joohyun watched as countless women tried to approach her, offer her drinks or try to dance in step with her.

The woman would politely decline each time, seeming to just want to be lost in the music.

Joohyun almost didn’t want to disturb her but…

She was _perfect._

Joohyun almost regretted not ordering a drink. The liquid courage would’ve been good. Still, she moved from the bar to the dance floor.

Something about Joohyun that worked in her favor: if she wanted something, she’d work her ass off to get it.

She wanted this woman tonight.

As she approached, she began swaying to the music. She was lucky to possess a natural talent for dancing, knowing it would bode well for her efforts to get the attention of the woman.

She could feel other women in the crowd start to pay her attention. Not to be completely arrogant, she knew she was attractive. This happened a lot. But she paid none of them any mind.

She was barely a meter away from her when their eyes locked.

Something in the woman’s gaze changed, as her eyes trailed down Joohyun’s body, clearly checking her out.

Joohyun grinned when the stranger moved forward, closing the distance between them.

The stranger took Joohyun’s hand in hers and brought her body closer, then began dancing to the pulsing, steady bass of the music.

The music changed. A slower, sexier song started playing. Joohyun was unfamiliar with the song, but it didn’t matter. The woman set the rhythm with her hips pressed against hers. Their bodies moved with a natural synchronicity. She’d never felt so _right_ with another person - from the hands that explored her back and held her close, from the way she’d gently nuzzle her cheek against her own.

The women were in the middle of the sea of bodies, lost in the music, but they could only focus on each other.

Soon Joohyun was ready for more. Her heart was beating, hard and steady. Her center began to throb - even at the prospect of more, she was getting worked up and flustered.

Joohyun boldly slipped her thigh between the woman’s, and pushed down on her hips, encouraging her to roll against her muscle.

She was rewarded with the sexiest whimper she’d ever heard.

“What’s your name?” Joohyun asked in a whisper, choking back a gasp as the woman moved her own thigh between her legs.

They were shamelessly grinding into each other on the dance floor, nearly losing their cover of dancing.

That was okay with Joohyun. She wanted it to be _very _clear what she needed tonight.

“Seulgi,” she answered. Her voice was low and sexy; Joohyun couldn’t wait to hear what it sounded like moaning for more. “Yours?”

It took a beat for Joohyun to remember to give the stranger her English name, to establish boundaries and control.

“Irene.”

“You’re rather forward, Irene,” Seulgi teased, as she pressed a tentative and breathy kiss against her earlobe. Joohyun shivered.

“Well, then let me just cut to the chase,” Joohyun began. She couldn’t help but gulp before demanding, “Take me home tonight.”

Seulgi’s expression somehow darkened more, which caused Joohyun’s center to throb even more. She was wet, _so _wet already.

“I live just around the corner,” the woman answered, taking Joohyun’s hand and pulling her towards the exit.

\----

It took them longer than it should have, as the two couldn’t keep the hands off each other.

As soon as they walked a few steps from the club, Joohyun had enough. She had the woman pressed up against a wall and took her lips with her own.

Their lips, teeth and tongues were in frenzy. It was frantic and hard; Joohyun put all of her frustrations this kiss. She was setting the pace and Seulgi seemed more than willing to keep up.

Joohyun gasped as Seulgi nipped and kissed down her neck to her collarbones. They were always so sensitive, and feeling Seulgi’s skilled mouth against them was driving her wild.

Seulgi’s place really was just around the corner, but it took twice as long, as they kept distractingly making out against walls, light posts and benches on the way there.

Joohyun didn’t know what she did to deserve this; she must’ve been an amazing person to be rewarded this way. Seulgi was a phenomenal kisser, coaxing moans and whimpers from the usually composed, calculated woman.

While it was 2 am and the streets empty, they were in public for all to see. They were essentially having foreplay out in the open, and Joohyun didn’t give a fuck.

She loved the thrill of being potentially caught.

Finally, Seulgi brought them to a building. Joohyun didn’t know what to expect but it wasn’t this - an apartment building with a grand entranceway and a doorman. It was clearly exclusive.

But before she could articulate her questions, Seulgi led her to the elevator, where their make-out continued. They only separated when they reached Seulgi’s floor. The woman took her hand as they walked to her apartment door.

Her expression, previously full of lust, shifted to one of complete sincerity.

“You still want to do this?” the woman asked, tucking Joohyun’s hair behind her ear then cupping her cheek.

Joohyun was touched by the gesture.

And still _very_ horny.

“As long as you do, I definitely do,” Joohyun conformed, turning her head to kiss the woman’s palm.

Seulgi leaned down to capture Joohyun’s lips again, leaving her breathless once more, before murmuring, “Thank god.”

As soon as the door was shut and locked behind them, Joohyun made quick work of the woman’s clothes. She pulled Seulgi’s top off and threw it aside. She quickly latched her mouth on the woman’s breast, over her sheer bra, licking through the material at the hard nipple beneath.

Seulgi moaned under her. Joohyun slipped her hand behind her back and undid the bra with the flick of her wrist, then put her lips back where they belonged, alternating her attention over the woman’s perfect, dusky nipples.

She pressed the pads of her fingers up and down the woman’s stomach, the ripples of the woman’s abs flexing under her touch.

Finally, when she felt Seulgi had enough, Joohyun fell to her knees. She looked up, her hand on the woman’s pants zipper, silently asking for permission.

Her answer came with a nod as she reached down herself and tugged off her pants, bringing her underwear down along with them, kicking them and her shoes off.

Glistening, beautiful pink lips were before her. Joohyun’s mouth watered.

Seulgi was panting above her, naked and flushed. With every strained breath she took, her stomach muscles would tighten.

Joohyun wanted to commit this to memory. Still fully clothed, kneeling before the completely bare woman, who was begging her with her eyes to continue. Joohyun felt incredible. In control. Powerful.

Without warning, she leaned forward and took the woman’s cunt into her mouth.

She started with broad licks, tasting and feeling as much as she could. She buried her tongue between the woman’s folds, thrusting in and out. She moaned at the way she desperately cried out and grasped at her head.

Soon she replaced her tongue with her finger, curling it inside her. She moved her mouth to her clit, sucking and flicking the nerve. She couldn’t help but moan as the woman started to grind against her face.

If she wanted to, Joohyun thought she could probably get off on eating this woman out.

But she held off that thought, instead wanting to focus on Seulgi’s pleasure.

A few targeted, deep trusts later and the woman began to convulse around her. Then she came, hard and loud, so tight Joohyun could barely move her fingers. Seulgi’s moans rang out, mixed with a string of swears and pants, as she ground against Joohyun’s tongue with more urgency.

Joohyun didn’t stop. As soon as the tightness subsided, she began to thrust hard and fast once more, while drawing circles against her clit with her tongue. She was quickly rewarded as Seulgi came again; this time it was far more physical as she shook, her body rolling in waves and her mouth open in a silent scream.

Suddenly, Joohyun was being pulled up and her face was clutched between two strong hands. Seulgi gratefully began kissing her, licking into her mouth, tasting herself.

Seulgi made quick work of Joohyun’s clothes, tossing them haphazardly aside, and soon they were standing, both completely naked.

“God, you’re beautiful.”

Joohyun had been told that that hundreds of times before. But tonight, with the way the woman was looking at her, she believed it.

She barely had time to register the apartment they were in - she paid no mind to the furniture, the rooms, nothing. If it wasn’t Seulgi, she didn’t care.

Joohyun found herself pinned to a bed, the weight of the woman pressing into her. The thin sheen of sweat covering Seulgi’s beautiful tan skin glistened in the moonlight; Joohyun thought it made her look ethereal.

They began rocking against one another, thighs slipped between legs, their wet heat coating each other. They continued to make-out, kisses sloppy and wet, stifling moans.

It was no surprise to Joohyun when she came with a firm thrust; she was unbelievably turned-on from watching the woman come twice earlier. It turned her on even more as she cried out with pleasure when she realized that her own orgasm prompted the woman above her to come once again.

They kissed as they came down from their highs. It was a contrast from their previous kisses. They still left Joohyun breathless, but this time their lips moved together in a slow and soft tandem. Seulgi set the pace this time. Where Joohyun’s instinct led her to kiss with force and passion, Seulgi’s were sweet and gentle.

She wanted more.

But she shouldn’t.

This was a one-night stand.

Joohyun pulled away, then moved from beneath the woman’s body.

“Don’t go,” Seulgi said, sensing the woman’s intention.

Joohyun wavered.

“I should…”

She was not very convincing. Seulgi took her lips in her own again, this time matching the passion Joohyun had established earlier.

“No; you're not done yet,” Seulgi said as she began trailing her lips down Joohyun’s body.

It was going to be a long, exceptional night.

—

It took a split second for Joohyun to remember where she was.

She woke up to the feeling of another person under her, tightening their arms around her waist. She opened her eyes and saw the beautiful woman from the night before beneath her.

_Right._ Last night.

A flood of memories came back to her at once; the delicious ache between her legs proving the thoughts to be completely true.

They continued well into the morning, until Joohyun came one last time with the stranger’s face between her legs. She had one last thought before falling asleep, which was that she should leave.

Clearly, that didn’t happen.

For all the consideration she gave to having a one-night stand, she didn’t quite consider what to do it she spent the night.

Slowly she slid from the woman’s arms, trying her best to pay no mind to the fact that they both were still naked (and covered in love bites).

Her feet were nearly on the ground when-

“Come _baaaack_. World, cold and scary,” the woman grumbled into her pillow, taking Joohyun’s hand in her own as she tried to pull away. “Bed, warm and nice. _You,_ warm and nice.”

How was this woman, who was incredibly sexy and hot last night so adorable and cute this morning? Her duality made her even more tempting to Joohyun, who was _thisclose_ to giving in.

But _no_, this was a one-night stand and Joohyun was sticking to it.

“Sorry, I have to go.”

She couldn’t help the regret from sneaking into her tone. She slipped her hand away from the woman’s grasp.

In the light of the morning, she got a better sense of where she was. It was a large studio apartment - a room divider separating the bed area from the rest of the open space. Boxes were everywhere - some open with things strewn about, some still shut.

Their clothes, from the night before, were somehow scattered everywhere. She spotted the woman’s pants near the doorway. Her blouse draped over the nearby couch. Her bra somehow made it on top of a standing lamp beside the television.

She shook her head at the evidence of their urgency from the night before and began searching for her own clothes. She saw her own panties on the floor next to the entrance, her bra on top of the kitchen counter. The search was done, all while trying not to give the very alluring woman in bed any attention.

_You can do this, Joohyun. It’s a one-night stand. People do it all the time. Just leave. No more talking. Ignore the beautiful woman who wants you to stay in bed with her._

(She _hated_ herself sometimes.)

“You’re moving way too quickly for,” the woman grumbled, patting blindly on her nightstand to reach for her phone, “9 in the morning. On a _Saturday_.”

“I really shouldn’t have spent the night anyway,” Joohyun answered.

She found her jeans - they somehow made their way under the TV stand - and sat on the bed to slip them on. That was a mistake though, as she felt two slender, soft and strong arms wrap around her midsection.

The woman - _Seulgi_, if she was remembering correctly - pressed her face into Joohyun’s back and gave it a gentle kiss, before asking, “Can I get your number?”

And in a split section, Joohyun’s mind raced.

_Yes, oh god, yes. No, don’t! Do it, she’s beautiful and she was _incredible_ last night. Damn it, don’t give in - this was your first one-night stand! Don’t give in!_

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” she replied, her voice shaky.

“I mean, I don’t want to be cocky but I thought you had a good time,” Seulgi answered, sitting up on bed and paying _no mind_ to modesty at all. The _nerve_ of the woman and her incredible body. Joohyun would’ve glared if she wasn’t short-circuiting.

Seulgi pressed her bare front against Joohyun’s back and breathed in her scent, wrapping her arms around her once more.

Joohyun was only human. Her resolve was quickly fading, with every little kiss Seulgi pressed against the length of her neck, up to her ear. Seulgi’s voice, low and breathy, whispered, “You sounded like you enjoyed yourself. I bet my new neighbours heard all about it.”

As tempted as Joohyun was, she had _some_ pride.

“You weren’t exactly quiet yourself!”

Seulgi beamed, not seeming to find the retort to be particularly cutting. “I know, right? You were great. _We_ were great together.”

She stood from the bed, leaving the embrace of Seulgi’s arms and trying to ignore how cold she suddenly felt. She put on her final item of clothing (her shirt, which was stuffed under one of the couch pillows).

“I don’t even know your family name.”

“Kang. There you go. _Now_ can I have your number?” Damn that Seulgi and her cute smirk.

Joohyun waivered.

“You’re not married or engaged or seeing anyone, are you?” Seulgi asked, worriedly.

“Absolutely no to all of those things.”

“Then let me take you out, Irene,” the woman said, her eyes hopeful.

Her English name brought her back to reality. She shook her head at herself. _No. _This was her first one-night stand and she intended to do it right, damn it.

“Look...we both knew what was going on when we agreed to our…activities last night. So let’s just chalk this up to a great - _excellent_ \- memory, Kang Seulgi.”

“That’s really what you want?”

“Yes. It is.”

Seulgi’s eyebrows furrowed but in a split second, her happy, cute demeanor came back on her face.

“Okay, then.” Seulgi flopped down back under her sheets. “I’m going back to bed. Help yourself to whatever you find in the kitchen that’s edible. I’m not sure I have much; I haven’t unpacked there yet. Close the door behind you, it’ll lock on its own.”

“...that’s it?”

“Yeah?” Seulgi quirked an eyebrow at her.

“You were just begging me to stay and now you’re kicking me out?”

“I’m going to get whiplash from you,” Seulgi whined. “Are girls here more complicated than I remembered?”

Joohyun scoffed.

“Fine, have a good life, Kang Seulgi.”

“Bye, Irene!”

—

** _First relationship_ **

Joohyun’s first relationship was when she was just fifteen years old.

It had been raining and she didn’t have an umbrella. She was contemplating running for it when an umbrella appeared over her, held by a boy a year older than her.

Minsoo lived on the same street and went to the same school. He confessed to her that afternoon under the umbrella, in the rain, as they arrived at her doorway.

She was so surprised, she barely thought about it as she accepted his affections.

They dated for a few months - which felt liked years in high school terms - but did not go beyond handholding and brief hugs. Joohyun was always apprehensive about the opposite sex and at first, Minsoo understood.

But eventually, he grew tired of waiting. Out of frustration over her lack of interest, he dumped her and started dating someone new.

His new girlfriend was smart, older and popular. She was not afraid to be affectionate with him, often flaunting their relationship in front of Joohyun.

Joohyun felt bad at first but then realized she was more upset that a girl who was _so beautiful_ was dating Minsoo. He didn’t deserve a girl who was that hot.

Soon after Minsoo dumped her, she realized she was gay.

\---------

** _First meeting_ **

In the months after, Joohyun turned a new leaf. She had gained confidence that had translated itself well at work. She stood up for herself, made new opportunities where she hadn’t been able to in the past and had made new strides with her (still very much an asshole) editor.

Her friends also noticed the change. Their last few game nights had been successful. Joohyun injured no one. Penguins did not need to be replaced.

No one knew why her mood had shifted but they were all thankful.

Her very best friend, Wendy, didn’t even know.

Joohyun had met Wendy a few years ago, when she had been a rookie singer. Joohyun was one of the first journalists to interview her. It was one of Joohyun’s first jobs and both of them were overwhelmed with nerves. It was an awkward interview, but what came out of it was their friendship.

She had been updating her about the progress she had been making, when the topic of her (perceived) lack of a love life came up.

“I have _just_ the girl for you, Joohyun,” the singer proclaimed. “I’ve been working with her for a couple months, she’s my new choreographer. She was working in Japan, but she’s moved back here and now choreographs for SM. She’s a big deal, she’s working with everyone. She even does boy band choreo! She’s a _total _girl crush”

“Do I have anything in common with her?” Joohyun did not really see the link between a journalist and a dancer.

“You both love me, that’s a major thing in common.” Wendy tilted her head, like it was completely obvious.

“The most important thing,” Joohyun agreed, smirking at her best friend.

“Exactly! And she’s the sweetest person in the world,” Wendy continued to gush. “She’s kind of naive, but she’s kind, generous and funny. And don’t worry - she’s _so hot_. I’d totally be into her if I were into women, but unfortunately I’ve been cursed to like men.”

Joohyun laughed. “Such a curse.”

“Anyway, she’s coming with me to Sooyoung’s birthday party on Friday so you can meet her there!”

Wendy was so earnest and well meaning but Joohyun was still apprehensive.

“I don’t know. I’ve never been good with being set up.”

“For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve gone on what - three dates?”

Joohyun shrugged. “You know dating isn’t a priority for me; I have to focus on-”

“-Work, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know,” Wendy interrupted. “But you’ve been doing so well lately! Let’s keep this momentum going.”

“I don’t know…”

“Just meet her, that’s all I ask. Please, unnie?” Wendy whined; Joohyun was definitely wavering. Damn Wendy and her convincing ways. “If you two fall in love, because I’m a genius matchmaker, well, just make me your maid of honour.”

“_Seungwan._”

“No pressure!”

“_Fine. _I’ll meet her but you know I’m too busy for a relationship or even dating. So this is strictly just a platonic thing,” Joohyun said. Wendy clapped her hands together.

“Thanks, unnie! You’re going to love her.”

“As friends!”

The argument was pointless, but Joohyun wanted to drive the point further a little more, just in case Wendy would actually listen.

She wasn’t, instead she was happily texting on her phone.

“Okay! I just texted her to let her know that you’ll be there. I won’t even tell you each other’s name so you can’t Google each other. I can’t wait for you two to meet.”

“As friends?” Joohyun feebly asserted.

Wendy waved her hand dismissively. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, friends.”

—

Sooyoung lived in an impressive high-rise condominium where high profile people like her lived. She was a top actor, model and TV presenter in Korea, and Joohyun wasn’t surprised when she entered her unit to see it full of familiar faces.

She met Sooyoung through Wendy - the two had trained together as Idols before Sooyoung decided to focus on acting. Joohyun would’ve never had befriended a person like Sooyoung on her own. She was so full of fire, charisma and sass; Joohyun’s shy personality did not usually meld well with personalities like that. But somehow, probably their friendship with Wendy, kept them in contact, and allowed them to become close friends.

Maybe Wendy was on to something when she said loving her was an important characteristic in people.

“Joohyun-unnie!” Sooyoung said, greeting Joohyun with a big, imposing hug, as soon as she entered the living room.

“Happy birthday, Sooyoung!” she replied, handing the celebrant her gift. (She got her a new outfit for her dog, Haetnim _\- _who she was terrified of, but was assured that she would be at her parents’ house for the duration of the party.)

“I can’t wait for you to meet Wendy’s new choreographer,” Sooyoung said, excitedly taking the gift to the table full of presents. “If you don’t want her, I might.”

Next to Sooyoung was her roommate Yeri, who had also become a good friend of Joohyun’s, despite their age difference. She bumped against Sooyoung’s shoulders.

“Not fair, I called dibs,” Yeri whined.

“It’s _my_ birthday,” Sooyoung argued back, bumping against the shorter girl.

“Aigoo, how great is she actually?” Joohyun asked. Seriously, she was expecting perfection based on how everyone was behaving.

“Let’s go find her and you’ll see! She went on the balcony with Wendy; she wanted to see the view,” Sooyoung said, leading Joohyun outside with Yeri trailing behind.

There were just a handful of people outside - it was a surprising cool night for early September - so Joohyun quickly spotted Wendy. She was talking enthusiastically to a woman, whose back was to Joohyun. The woman was taking a photo of the sunset.

Something looked familiar about how she was carrying herself - like she’d seen her before…

She turned, and both of their eyes widened.

_Damn it._

“This is Seulgi. Seulgi, meet Joohyun!” Sooyoung introduced.

There was a brief silence while Joohyun and Seulgi stared at one another; she could feel the eyes of everyone else on them, but she didn't care.

It was her one-night stand from a couple months ago.

She started to blush, the memories of the night flooding her thoughts. Then she reached her hand forward, trying to salvage the awkward moment.

“... Hi! Nice to meet you,” she said, hoping Seulgi would pick-up on her cue.

She did _not_ want to explain to the others why they knew each other. She’d be _mortified_.

“Uh,” Seulgi said, taking her hand. “Yeah, nice to meet you.”

Her introduction was less convincing, but that was fine, as Yeri distracted everyone immediately.

“I don’t see sparks, can I have her?” she asked Wendy, who rolled her eyes.

“_Omo, _Yeri,” Wendy said, pulling her inside with Sooyoung. “Let’s go get you a drink and leave these two alone!”

Wendy left with a wink to Seulgi - that Joohyun _totally_ caught.

Then silence.

“So-”

“-Uh.”

They spoke over each other, and then both said nothing, cringing awkwardly.

Joohyun tried again.

“So you’re the choreographer.”

“And you’re the best friend.”

She nodded.

“You’ve just started at SM?”

“I did. Just moved back to Seoul a few months ago. You saw all the boxes,” Seulgi reminded her. ”Hi again, Joohyun. Or should I say _Irene_?”

Joohyun snorted humorlessly.

“Hi Seulgi.”

“It’s nice to see you again,” Seulgi said, genuinely.

“Likewise.” Somehow, Joohyun felt less happy about seeing her.

It’s not like she was upset - she was just uncomfortable. She’d thought she’d never see the woman again. The whole purpose of the one-night stand was that she’d never have to go through the awkward ‘I don’t want a relationship’ conversation. The morning after was hard enough.

But here they were.

_Of course_ this would happen to Joohyun. Were there not any other single gay women in this city?!

“Really? Even though you gave me fake name?”

“It’s not fake, it’s my English name. I give it to strangers and acquaintances,” she explained, blushing.

“We got a _little_ more than acquainted…” Seulgi reminded. Joohyun remained silent. “So are we going to pretend that we didn’t know each other?”

Joohyun huffed.

“Look, I froze! I didn’t realize that _you_ were who Wendy was telling me about this whole time.”

“I obviously didn’t realize you were _you_,” Seulgi agreed. “You’re kind of a big deal. If Wendy wasn’t so tragically straight, I would’ve assumed she was in love with you with how much she admires you.”

“Likewise - the way she was trying to sell you to me, I thought she was into you too.”

Seulgi smirked.

“Little does she know, you already turned me down.”

Joohyun glared.

“_Please_, a one-night stand isn’t supposed to go on for more than one night. I didn’t ‘turn you down,’ I was following the rules.”

“Rules? Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously. I wasn’t looking for anything more than what I got. It’s not my fault you were needy.”

Seulgi took a step back away from Joohyun and frowned.

“Wow, way to make me feel important.”

Joohyun immediately felt guilty, seeing Seulgi’s hurt expression.

“Oh, damn it. I’m sorry.”

Joohyun stepped forward, reaching for Seulgi’s hand, who pulled away even more.

“No, whatever.”

“No, that was rude. I’m sorry,” Joohyun repeated.

“You’re right. You got what you wanted,” Seulgi said. Her eyebrows furrowed a little, but Joohyun could tell she was trying not to look so upset. “I just… thought we had something. So I pined a little after. But I’m fine.”

The admission made Joohyun’s heart clench a little. Even if she thought of it as a one-night stand, she never considered the other person’s feelings. She hated that she made Seulgi feel like this.

“Seulgi…”

“I’m fine now. Really,” she sighed. “I should go.”

Seulgi turned to leave, but Joohyun reached again for her hand. This time Seulgi let her take it.

“Wait, stop,” Joohyun began, giving her hand a squeeze before letting go. She ignored the sparks she felt at feeling her skin against hers again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t really consider how that night might’ve made you feel. I was going through some stuff and I used you to clear my head and that wasn’t fair. You were sweet and courteous and I was cold and rude. You didn’t deserve that.”

Seulgi nodded.

“I’m sorry too. You just...bruised my ego.”

“Not often turned down, are you?” Joohyun gently teased, trying to lighten the mood a little.

“I usually at least get a number,” Seulgi shrugged. Something told her that she was being far too modest about her success with women.

“There’s always a first for everything.”

It was Seulgi’s turn to roll her eyes, then she grinned. Her smile stirred something in Joohyun, but she pushed that feeling down.

“How about this?” Seulgi asked. “You’ve turned me down already for a date, but can I get your number as friends? Wendy really wants us to get to know each other and basically everything that she’s said about you makes you sound like you’re a literal angel on earth.”

“She exaggerates.”

“Even so, if you are an angel, I might as well get to know you. Suck up a little, increase my chances of getting to ‘the Good Place’ when I die.”

“That’s not how it works,” Joohyun argued. She was also a little impressed - she only knew about _The Good Place_ because of an article she did on a senior citizens group and their love of American sitcoms.

(Ugh, she hated her job.)

“Are you saying that as an angel or as a fan of _The Good Place_? I’m fine with either answer.”

Joohyun rolled her eyes, but couldn’t contain her grin.

“Don’t be all...cocky about this,” she said, as she pulled her phone out of her pocket and unlocked it. “Put your number in.”

“Yes! Should I put myself in as ‘Best One-Night Stand’? Or just my name? What would you prefer?”

The woman’s stupid beautiful eye smile was the only reason why Joohyun wasn’t currently smacking her.

“Wendy failed to mention you were this annoying.”

“But did she talk about how I was cute? Because that’s the best thing about me.”

Seulgi handed back her phone. When Joohyun looked at the contact, the name said, ‘Hottest Woman Ever.’

“_Ya!_” Joohyun shoved Seulgi - playfully, she thought, but Seulgi cowered and clutched her shoulder.

“Wendy failed to mention you were so violent,” Seulgi fake-cried, through a grimace.

Joohyun couldn’t help but grin at the dancer’s antics. Once again, she was struck by how this playful and dorky woman was the same person who shook her world completely that night.

Shortly after the girls were called back inside. The party was still in full swing with people everywhere. Seulgi was pulled away by someone - an Idol or actor or something, Joohyun was never good with recognizing people.

She was somewhat relieved. She didn’t want to get attached to her. Wendy knew her well - Seulgi was just the type of girl to draw her in.

For the rest of the night she stuck close to Wendy or Yeri (as Sooyoung was busy being the perfect host to the party). Every once in a while she’d catch Seulgi looking her way with an unreadable expression that would quickly shift to her adorable eye smile.

Joohyun had to admit - she liked it. A lot.

\---

  


It was nearing the end of the year and Wendy’s agency was holding their annual artist showcase. This was a private event aimed to show off their established, rookie and trainee talents to friends, family and the wider entertainment community.

She showed up with Sooyoung and Yeri, both of whom made her change into something tighter and shorter when they arrived to pick her up.

(They were very demanding, but they said cute girls would be there. She liked being single, but who was she to deny attention from cute girls?)

The performances that night were exceptional, as to be expected. Wendy was incredible as usual, causing the audience to stand to their feet in applause.

Something that _wasn’t_ expected was Seulgi on stage, almost the entire night. She was back-up dancer for a few of the Idols, featured dancer for some as well.

Admittedly, Joohyun kind of forgot Seulgi was even part of SM. Details like that were not at the front of her mind whenever she’d pop in her head. Obviously.

Seeing her on stage was mesmerizing. She was enthralled by the way her body moved effortlessly, the way her muscles flexed with every twist and turn, her sexy smirk during one song, then a playful and innocent grin during another.

She was just a backup dancer but as far as Joohyun was concerned, she was the main event.

Wendy found the girls after the showcase ended and the party began. She promised Sooyoung and Yeri that she would introduce them to Amber (Yeri definitely had plans to hit on her), so the three left Joohyun alone.

A tap on her shoulder made her jump.

“Whoa, sorry Joohyun. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

She turned and Seulgi stood behind her, still in the outfit she last performed in. She was in a cropped top under a loose leather jacket that showed off her incredible abs. Together, with torn, tight, black jeans that showed off her strong and toned legs, she looked like an Idol herself.

Joohyun wasn’t even ashamed to be checking her out, and Seulgi’s smug smile told her that she noticed it.

“You look beautiful,” Seulgi said, gesturing at the black mini-dress that Sooyoung picked out for her.

“Thank you. Likewise.”

“It’s been a while,” Seulgi said. “I haven’t heard from you.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. I’ve been busy. Tonight’s my first night out since Sooyoung’s birthday.”

Honestly, whenever Joohyun would apologize to anyone about not keeping in touch, it was usually not genuine. But this time, seeing Seulgi again - she could admit to herself that she regretted not seeing her sooner.

“Yeah, Wendy told me she hadn’t even really heard from you either. It’s good to see you - glad you could come, since you’re so busy.”

“I could never miss an opportunity to see Wendy perform. Plus, honestly? You were amazing. When you danced with Super Junior you looked like you should’ve been the Idol.”

“Thank you.” Seulgi blushed. Joohyun liked how it looked on her. “I was actually going to text you. Your article on Thursday about the housing crisis was incredible. Balanced with the facts, but empathetic to the actual victims of the boom.”

Joohyun’s eyes widened in surprise.

“You read my stuff?”

Seulgi nodded.

“Of course, it’s an important issue and I want to be educated about it.”

“Not many people seem to care. It’s frustrating. So the fact that you read it and cared is surprising. It’s really great, Seulgi.”

“More people should care. I even shared your article on my SNS.”

“You _did?”_

“You should follow me yourself and find out,” Seulgi joked. Joohyun made a note to do just that. “Also, I know I’m not an expert but I think you’re a great writer. You have a really engrossing way with words. You could make paint drying sound fascinating.”

Joohyun instinctually scoffed at the compliment, even though on the inside she was beaming.

“Tell that to my editor. He says I’m bland.”

“What? Not possible! I even liked your article about the beret’s re-emerging popularity. It made me like berets!”

“You read _that _too_?”_

Seulgi blushed.

“Okay, fine. When I found out what you did for a living, I Googled you and read a bunch of your articles. But not because I’m some creep - I told you, I like how you write!”

“Wow. Well, thank you, Seul.” Joohyun was genuinely touched.

“No problem. I mean, maybe Wendy was right - we would be a good match. I think you’re a great writer, you think I’m an amazingly talented and sexy dancer-”

“-You _really _suck at flirting.”

“And you’re an expert at what I’ve sucked,” Seulgi countered, with a mischievous smile.

“_Omo_, why are you like this?”

They stayed together the rest of the night. Seulgi admitted that she had a hard time at events like that - while she enjoyed dancing and choreographing, being in the spotlight always left her anxious. Joohyun did her best to help her when people approached to compliment her and Seulgi seemed appreciative of the support.

She left with a promise to Seulgi that she’d text her - something that she intended on keeping.

\--

** _Second relationship._ **

Joohyun’s second relationship began in her first week of university.

She met Soojin at their student orientation. She was a Sociology major who had no interest in school at all. Not the best combination for her, as Joohyun was always hardworking and overachieving.

But Soojin was dynamic, funny, bold and popular with everyone. The confident woman initially enamored Joohyun. She was comfortable in her skin and fully accepting of herself and her sexuality. Joohyun hadn’t gotten to that point yet, so she was excited that someone who was that self-assured was interested in her at all.

She was Joohyun’s first girlfriend but Joohyun would come to realize that for Soojin, she was just one of several.

Eventually though it ended in Joohyun’s heartbreak. She caught her cheating. In hindsight, she shouldn’t have been surprised - she ignored too many warning signs to count - but that didn’t make the pain hurt any less.

It took some time for her to mend the damage that had been done to her heart.

\------------

** _First friends_ **

It was now early December. She was the only one on her news team who had decided to not go on vacation. With fewer staff, there was more opportunity for her to get better assignments. Despite her increased workload she tried to make time for her friends and family when she could. This was especially to make up for the months at a time where she’d been so occupied with her job that she’d ‘disappear’ (their words, not hers).

Fridays after work usually meant meeting up with a variation of Wendy, Sooyoung, Yeri and lately, Seulgi.

Her friend circle increased to include the captivating dancer. The other girls hadn’t discovered that they two had previously ‘met’ and fortunately, they had stopped trying to push the two together. Unfortunately for her, this meant that she had to watch Sooyoung and Yeri shamelessly flirt with the dancer. Even though it was totally harmless (they tended to flirt with everyone), it still made her stomach drop a little when Seulgi would jokingly reciprocate their affections.

Not that she let on how she felt. A key quality of Bae Joohyun: she was the master of repressing her feelings.

That said, she wasn’t a robot - when Seulgi revealed that she had been doing the choreography for BoA’s upcoming concert, Joohyun couldn’t stop herself from fully fangirling. She _loved_ BoA.

She nearly passed out when Seulgi offered to introduce the two. She didn’t expect it to actually happen, but it did. She snuck out of the office - saying she was interviewing a source for an article - and met Seulgi at the agency.

She sat off to the side as the dancers and BoA rehearsed, with feedback and instruction from Seulgi.

BoA was every bit as beautiful and cool and Idol-worthy as Joohyun imagined. From what she could also see, she was also incredibly sweet to everyone she was working with, including Seulgi.

But watching Seulgi in her element? Seeing her teach the dancers, help them perfect the moves, encourage everyone when she saw their energy drop? _That_ was something else. It was unexpected - she had seen Seulgi be both sexy (incredibly sexy) and cute (adorable and soft). Now she saw another side. Seulgi was in control, a leader who had everyone’s attention and respect - but she was not aggressive or forceful.

Not only did she feel her fondness for the woman grow, but there was something else. Full admiration.

During their break, Seulgi came by to check on Joohyun. After being _slightly _taken aback by how hot she looked in her rehearsal outfit (the sports bra highlighting her incredible, glistening abs), she gushed with all honesty.

The choreography was tight and the songs all sounded amazing. Seulgi was beaming with pride when Joohyun froze - she noticed BoA approaching.

“Is this your friend? The only you keep talking about?” BoA asked, draping her arm around Seulgi’s shoulder and giving Joohyun an evaluating look. “She looks like me, Seulgi-ya.”

“She does?” Seulgi asked, as Joohyun asked, “I do?”

“Seulgi-ya, what are you trying to tell me?” BoA held her free hand to her chest. “I’m flattered. If this is your way of confessing to me, I accept.”

“What?!” the two replied, at the same time.

Joohyun suddenly did _not_ care for her so-called favourite Idol. She was about to say something she’d regret - probably something along the lines of _‘take your hands off her!’_ when BoA started laughing.

The Idol pushed Seulgi away from her and then put her arm around Joohyun, who was still trying to stop herself from bristling.

“I’m just joking,” BoA said. “I just love to tease Seulgi, she gets embarrassed so easily, look!”

Sure enough, Seulgi was blushing. Joohyun was too, but mostly because her favourite Idol had her arm casually draped over her.

At the end of rehearsal, BoA posed for a few pictures with Joohyun and sent the two off. But before they could leave, she whispered _something_ to Seulgi, which made the dancer go red again. Joohyun had no idea what it was, but based on how they both gave her coy grins after, she knew it was about her.

“So you’ve been talking to BoA about me?” Joohyun asked, as they took their seats at the SM cafe. “That’s kind of surreal. BoA _knew_ about me. Were you saying good things?”

“I told her the truth - so I told her about how you’re stinky and gross and like butts.”

Joohyun swatted Seulgi’s arm. “Only the last thing is true!”

“I told her good things, I promise!” Seulgi held her hands up in defeat. “Isn’t she great, though? I’ve worked with a lot of Idols and she’s easily the most famous but still one of the kindest!”

Seulgi had a familiar look on her face - one that she’d spotted on her when they first met, those many months ago. It was all in her eye smile and the rosy dusting that had appeared on her cheeks.

“You two seemed close. Do you have a crush on her?”

“What? No!” Seulgi shook her head quickly.

“Everyone has a crush on BoA,” Joohyun argued.

“Not me,” Seulgi said. “I kind of...have my eye on someone else.”

“Oh? Do I know her?”

Joohyun felt her cheeks warm up. She didn’t know why she asked. She didn’t want to know the answer.

Part of her was hoping that Seulgi was talking about her (it was nice to be wanted, after all). A louder part of her was also hoping that it was someone else, because Joohyun did not think she had the mental capacity to deal with feelings - her own, or someone else's.

Instead of answering, Seulgi coyly smiled.

“Well, I can’t tell you all of my secrets. Then you’ll get bored of me.”

Joohyun rolled her eyes.

“Or I’ll get bored of you either way, because you’re no-jam.”

“Please, you think I’m _hilarious,” _Seulgi said. Even her smug face was cute, which Joohyun did _not_ care for. “It’s the only thing keeping you around, especially since all my _other_ moves failed.”

Seulgi gave her a (failed) wink, to drive the point home.

“_Aigoo_, don’t even start,” Joohyun said, laughing at her antics.

\---

Joohyun rarely let herself be dragged out for drinks with Yeri. She’d made the mistake of going just one-on-one with Yeri a while ago and the night ended with Joohyun having to be her wing woman, having to pay for all her drinks, and having to drive her home. Not exactly her idea night out. But somehow Yeri convinced her to go out again - she supposed it was her adorable, wide eyes. She did lay down some rules - Yeri would drive and she would _not_ be her wing woman, to which Yeri agreed (after convincing Joohyun that she would still pay).

Since Yeri had to remain sober and Joohyun wasn’t much of a drinker to begin with, Yeri chose a low-key bar for them to go to. It was actually a nice night out. When the two were together, it was always fun - they’d joke about the silliest things that no one else found funny and were always _so_ loud. No one could tell that there was an eight-year difference between the two.

It was nice to spend time with her favourite dongsaeng and listen to all of her funny stories about work, dating and living with Sooyoung.

They were exchanging stories about their mutual fear of Haetnim, when Yeri gasped.

“Hey, Is that Seulgi-unnie?” she asked, pointing at the entrance to the bar. “With that girl, they just walked in.”

Sure enough, there Seulgi was, enthusiastically talking to a girl who was patiently patting her shoulder and leading her into the room.

“Daebak, she’s pretty. Go Seulgi-unnie!” Yeri said, approval in her voice.

“I guess so.”

Yeri laughed.

“You _guess_ so? She looks like you, unnie.”

Joohyun rolled her eyes. She did _not_ appreciate the comparison.

“Seulgi-unnie!” Yeri said, waving them over.

“Yerim-ah! Joohyunnie! Hi!”

Seulgi looked surprised. She also looked _a little_ inebriated, like some pre-drinking had taken place. She swayed slightly in place but goofily smiled at them both.

The girl who she was with looked back and forth between the two, expectantly.

“Oh, this is Jisoo. Jisoo, these are my friends, Yeri and Joohyun-unnie.”

“You have friends? Other than me?” the girl teased.

“Wah, of course I do,” Seulgi argued. “I know people!”

“Yeah, yeah, sure you do, Seulgom.”

“Seulgom?” Joohyun asked.

“Yeah - don’t you guys think she looks like a cute little teddy bear?”

“Oh my god. She does!” Yeri exclaimed.

“Noooo, why can’t you tell people I’m a sexy animal?” Seulgi cried.

“A _sexy_ animal?”

“Yeah! Like a centaur or a mermaid.”

“Seulgi-unnie, those aren’t real,” Yeri said, cackling at her unnie’s antics.

“No?” Seulgi’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion; she looked a little like the _Lady Thinking About Math_ meme. Then she nodded, her expression going happy again. “Oh. Okay, I can be a bear!”

Joohyun had to admit, drunken Seulgi was cute. What was _not_ cute was the look of affection that the Jisoo woman gave Seulgi.

“Are you Seulgi-unnie’s girlfriend?” Yeri asked, suddenly.

“No, no, no, absolutely not,” Jisoo said, frantically shaking her head and making an ‘X’ with her arms. “She wishes.”

Seulgi pushed Jisoo, playfully. “No, _you_ wish. You’re basically like a bratty little sister.”

“And you’re an annoying big brother.”

“I’m not a boy!” Seulgi whined, stomping a little.

Joohyun couldn’t help herself - she laughed at Seulgi’s behaviour. Drunken Seulgi was quite a sight to see.

Jisoo blushed at Seulgi’s whining and the attention that they seemed to be drawing from the other patrons of the bar.

“She had _a little_ too much to drink before we left, and I’ve just spotted our friends, so we’ll leave you two alone. Nice meeting you both.”

“Nice meeting you too!”

“Bye Yerim-ah! Bye Hyunnie!”

Yeri and Joohyun continued to chat - with Joohyun trying her best to give Yeri her full attention (even though she caught herself staring at Seulgi a few too many times). It was nearing 1 am, so the two decided to go home before the bar got too loud. Before they left, Yeri went to the washroom and Joohyun went to the bar to settle their tab.

She felt a tap on her shoulder.

“Hi Seulgi.”

“Hi unnie! Jisoo told me to drink water, so here I am.”

“Probably good advice,” Joohyun said, signing the receipt and asking for water for the dancer. She took the bottle and handed it to Seulgi. “Drink up, Seulgi-ya.”

She took the water and swallowed a few gulps to appease Joohyun.

“Hey, unnie? Were you jealous earlier?” she asked, shyly scratching the nape of her neck.

“Why would I be jealous?”

“Well you looked like you were shooting lasers out of your eyes at Jisoo, I thought _maybe_ you were mad that I was here with her.”

Joohyun blushed. She didn’t realize how transparent she was. Still, she denied it.

“That’s a little presumptuous, don’t you think?”

“Usually I would, but Jisoo was a _little_ scared of you,” Seulgi said.

Joohyun felt a bit of satisfaction from that.

“Well, you can tell your friend that I wasn’t. Don’t worry, Seulgi. Now keep drinking your water, you’re drunk.”

“I’m not drunk, I had like, four drinks. Five drinks. No, four. Or five,” Seulgi argued, cutely. She was slightly swaying, but not as much as before.

“You’re a lightweight.”

“Noooo,” Seulgi drew out. She shook her head emphatically and lifted her arms, flexing them. “I’m a _heavyweight!”_

“_Omo_, it’s so cold suddenly!” Even though she was cringing, Joohyun thought she was too cute.

“Well let me warm you up,” Seulgi said, opening her arms for Joohyun to step into for a hug.

Joohyun raised an eyebrow and shook her head ‘no.’ Seulgi smelled vaguely of beer - that was enough to not make her want to hug her.

“Okay, drunken Seulgi,” Joohyun said, “Maybe it's time for you to go back to your friends.”

Seulgi shook her head and leaned forward.

“No. I want to stay with you,” she whispered, as though it was a huge secret. “I like you, Joohyunnie. As a friend, and more, but you don’t want me to tell you that, I can tell. So don’t tell yourself what I just told you.”

Joohyun quickly took a step back from Seulgi. She spotted Yeri walking towards them, a curious look on her face.

“Is everything okay?”

She must’ve noticed the panic on Joohyun’s face.

“Uh, yeah. We have to go, Seulgi-ya,” Joohyun said.

Somehow, Seulgi was distracted - she was talking to the bartender again, ordering another drink for herself. She waved at Jisoo then pointed at Seulgi, gesturing for her to keep an eye on her. Then she left without another word to Seulgi.

—

  
‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the office was complete silence, except for the sound of Joohyun’s frantic typing over her keyboard. Another late night finishing up a last-minute article that her flake of an editor forgot about. This meant she had to miss her train ride home to Daegu and have one less day to spend with her family - but that was _fine._

More bylines meant more opportunities.

The printers were holding for her final edits - also disgruntled that they had to work that late, waiting for the article. Again, it was not her fault - but somehow she was the one putting out the fire.

(She took a few deep breaths in, trying to steady her mood and lower her temper. _More bylines meant more opportunities, more bylines meant more opportunities…_ she repeated as a mantra.)

She was frantically typing away, verifying the sources and fact checking as she went. She was nearly done - just a couple more read-throughs and one more source verification - when her iPhone’s ringtone blared.

_Hottest Woman Ever_ appeared on her screen.

(She really needed to change Seulgi’s name in her contacts.)

“Seulgi-ya?”

_“Unnie, let me up. I’m at your office and the guards downstairs won’t let me past.”_

“Seulgi-ya, what are you doing here?” Joohyun asked as she dashed to the elevators. “Hold on, let me go and get you.”

She hadn’t seen Seulgi since her night out with Yeri - and they’d only just briefly texted. Seulgi apologized to her the next morning. She said her memory was fuzzy from the night before, but that Jisoo mentioned that she’d run into her and Yeri, and she wanted to apologize, just in case.

Joohyun lied and said that Seulgi said nothing to her that was out of the ordinary. She didn’t want to bring it up, in case it’d lead to an uncomfortable conversation.

Avoidance was something Joohyun always excelled at.

She made her way downstairs and spotted Seulgi.

She stood small next to the two security guards who worked the front desk of her building. Joohyun waved at them to let Seulgi come up, and they finally let her pass, with a nod at the journalist.

Seulgi sheepishly held up a bag of takeaway food.

Seulgi explained that when Joohyun texted earlier that she wasn’t going home to Daegu that night because of being held up at work for the night, she felt bad that she would be alone on Christmas Eve.

She also (correctly) assumed that the woman didn’t have dinner for herself, because her working late was a last minute decision.

She didn’t let it show, but Joohyun _swooned. _She liked that Seulgi was taking care of her.

Soon Seulgi was sitting on Joohyun’s desk, playing games on her phone. A couple rolls of kimbap brought by the dancer were shared between the two of them, while Joohyun finished her article.

Joohyun felt bad - waiting around for her was boring. Seulgi probably had much better ways to spend her time. But she insisted - “No one should be alone at Christmas, unnie.”

Faster than she expected - possibly having Seulgi be there was a great motivator - she finished and submitted the article with time to spare. The printers were grateful that they would also be able to go home earlier than expected.

(Her editor, of course, did not reply to her emails.)

“Thank you again, Seulgi,” Joohyun said. She hesitated a bit before bringing the dancer into a hug.

“It’s no big deal,” Seulgi replied into the crown of Joohyun’s head, her arms wrapped around Joohyun’s shoulders, keeping her close. She leaned up and pressed an all-too brief kiss on Seulgi’s cheek.

A quick memory from the night they shared flashed in her mind as she breathed in Seulgi’s perfume.

An unfamiliar feeling bubbled up from within.

It felt like longing.

Joohyun didn’t like how good it felt.

“Of course it is,” Joohyun said, quickly letting go and stepping out of Seulgi’s arms. “You’re an amazing friend.”

She pretended not to notice the frown that appeared on Seulgi’s face at the word ‘friend’.

\----

** _Third relationship._ **

Joohyun’s third relationship was probably her most compatible. They had fun, shared the same interests and were never bored with each other.

But she never got along with Jennie’s friends, especially her best friend, Lisa. It took a while, but eventually Joohyun realized that it was because Lisa was in love with Jennie - and had been for a while. It was hard for her to see someone else have such deep, unrequited love for her girlfriend. What was even harder was coming to the realization that her girlfriend was unknowingly in love with Lisa too.

She tried to ignore it - she loved Jennie, and didn’t want it to end. She really wanted it to work. But she’d catch Jennie staring at Lisa, without her noticing. She’d see their accidental touches, their lingering glances, their inside jokes. She would see how happy Lisa made Jennie - so much more than she ever could.

Who was she to stand in the way of soulmates?

She walked away. It was a surprise to Jennie when she ended things. It was even more of a surprise when Joohyun revealed why.

She was _not_ surprised however, when she saw them a few months later, holding hands and madly in love with each other.

There were bittersweet feelings that came with it. On the one hand, she was happy that someone she cared for deeply had finally found the love of her life.

On the other hand, it left her wondering when her own turn would be.

\--------

** _First relapse_ **

Joohyun wasn’t surprised when it happened again.

It was a week since Seulgi kept her company on Christmas Eve. They’d been talking every day - even when Joohyun went to Daegu for a couple days, and Seulgi went to her family in Ansan, it felt like Joohyun spoke to Seulgi as much as she did her family during that time.

She wasn’t a fool - while she chose to ignore her feelings for so long, she couldn’t do it anymore.

There was obviously something undeniable there. She felt it when Seulgi drunkenly confessed to her, when she hugged her to thank her that night at her office.

She felt that night, while she got ready for Yeri and Sooyoung’s big New Year’s Eve party.

She took more care than she usually did. She chose a new dress that showed off her shoulders and collarbones - something that she wouldn’t typically wear, but she remembered Seulgi paying close attention to those attributes on her before. Her make-up was more dramatic and sultry than usual, emphasizing her eyes and her full lips. Her hair was down in silky waves, ready to have someone run their fingers through the strands.

She felt like she did months ago, when she first met Seulgi. The circumstances were different, but Joohyun still needed to scratch this itch - the physical yearning she had for Seulgi needed to be taken care of.

She knew she had accomplished what she wanted when Sooyoung greeted her with a surprised expression and a big smirk.

“_Omo_, you look so hot, unnie,” Sooyoung flirted.

And almost immediately, as Sooyoung stepped aside to let her into the crowded room, they spotted each other.

Like two magnets being drawn to one another, their eyes locked and they couldn’t look away. They were the only people in the room. She barely registered Yeri’s greeting, Wendy giving her a wave in hello - her eyes were on Seulgi.

This time though, Seulgi took initiative. Seulgi greeted her with a kiss on the cheek and a request she could only hear, “Dance with me.”

With the command, Seulgi took her hand and led her to the living room, where the makeshift dance floor was. Seulgi turned her around in her arms and pressed her chest flush against Joohyun’s back, setting their rhythm with her hands firm on Joohyun’s hips, tight against her own.

Joohyun shivered when Seulgi traced a hand up the length of her torso, up her side to where she ran her fingers back and forth over her collarbones. She spoke softly, breath against her ear, “You look so sexy tonight, Joohyun.”

She shivered at Seulgi’s words.

They continued to dance, Joohyun turning to face the woman, wanting to commit how she looked to memory.

She thanked whatever gods or goddesses existed who made it possible for Seulgi to be wearing that dark dress tonight. It showed off her legs, which looked like they went on for miles. It was tight against her body, reminding her of how strong and soft and smooth every inch of Seulgi was. Her mouth watered at the thought of being able to kiss down her stomach again.

But it wasn’t just her body that was driving her insane. Seulgi’s eyes - always so expressive - looked more intense than usual, like she was looking right into her soul. Her full, lips were full and red, parted and looking ready to be kissed.

She doesn’t know how long they were dancing for - lost in each other completely, she barely registered the growing crowds around them and the excited energy as they neared the countdown to the New Year.

A person pushed into her, and Joohyun realized she wanted - needed - them to be alone.

“I really want to kiss you right now, Seulgi-ya. I want to do more than that, to be honest,” Joohyun said, somehow finding her voice. Seulgi’s own breath hitched at her admission. “But maybe we should go to my place. I don’t want Sooyoung and her friends to see what I’m going to do to you tonight.”

“Let’s go.”

They managed to leave without drawing attention to themselves and even better, managed to catch a cab. She knew better than to start something with Seulgi in the taxi, but she kept her hand on Seulgi’s thigh for the duration of the short ride. She kept caressing the muscle, moving dangerously higher with every stroke, keeping Seulgi’s and her own heart racing.

Somehow, they eventually found themselves in her apartment - Joohyun was certain she overpaid the cabbie, but it was worth it.

They were alone, and Seulgi gently laying her down onto her bed, having removed most of their clothes as they entered her bedroom.

Joohyun quickly turned them, putting Seulgi exactly where she wanted - underneath her.

“We’re just friends, okay?” Joohyun asked, as she sucked and nipped at Seulgi’s neck. She grinned as she saw a red bruise form on her perfect skin.

_Mine_.

“I know, I know,” Seulgi mumbled, gasping. “Just don’t stop.”

Nothing in the world would’ve stopped Joohyun from feeling Seulgi tremble beneath her and cry out her name - but this time her _real _name - again.

And just as she’d remembered, Seulgi gave as good as she got.

She decided that the only time she ever willingly wanted to give up control was under Seulgi’s touch. Even after just the one time, months and months ago, Seulgi remembered everything about her.

She traced her fingers over Joohyun’s sensitive skin like she was playing a grand piano, pressing down like she was finding the right chords to write the perfect song. She licked and swirled her tongue into her, remembering what Joohyun liked, knowing exactly how to make her cry out, moan and twitch.

When Joohyun looked down at the woman lapping at her center, she almost came at the sight alone.

Seulgi was looking up at her, her gaze intense and full of reverence.

She couldn’t help herself when Seulgi entered her with two fingers.

“Fuck, I missed you,” Joohyun cried out, as Seulgi began to thrust. She began to move her hips too, to grind into Seulgi’s mouth and meet her fingers with every pump.

How did Joohyun live without this for as long as she did?

When she came, she came hard - she felt Seulgi speed up the flicks of her tongue and the fingers that pistoned in her, to draw out her orgasm even more.

They were so lost in each other, they failed to hear the celebrations going on outside.

After, it was Seulgi who noticed the time from her head on Joohyun’s chest.

“We missed the countdown,” she murmured. “Happy new year, Hyunnie.”

She couldn’t help the airy giggle that escaped her, as she tightened her hold on the woman who had nestled her head into her shoulder. “Happy new year, Seulgi.”

Joohyun heard people say that how you spend New Years Eve was a good indication of how you’d spend your year. With Seulgi in her arms, she found she wouldn’t mind if it were true.

\---

Joohyun’s life was suddenly changed by the steep uptake of sex.

Her friendship with Seulgi remained as it was - the only difference was that they often spent nights in each other’s beds, learning and exploring each other in new ways.

Joohyun was quick to define their relationship though - they were still _friends_. Just friends who had sex.

No one else had mentioned anything to her about the change in their friendship, so she assumed none of their friends knew. She swore Seulgi to secrecy too. If the others knew, they’d judge their arrangement, make it out to be more than it was.

They were just de-stressing. Some people had hobbies. Wendy baked and cooked. Sooyoung had her dog. Yeri watched her American dramas.

Joohyun and Seulgi had each other.

It really did help clear Joohyun’s head. She was more focused at work and was able to find a balance between her personal life and career goals.

Seulgi seemed happier too. Whenever Joohyun was around, it was like her eyes in perpetual crescents - laughing, joking and teasing. She was full of energy - and even when they would exhaust each other, Seulgi was always more than willing to look after Joohyun and take care of her needs.

Seulgi really was a great friend.

So it came to Joohyun’s surprise when Wendy texted her one day - seemingly out of the blue - to ask her what she got Seulgi for her birthday. When Joohyun asked when it was, and Wendy scolded her for not knowing it was that day, Joohyun felt a little annoyed.

Again, they’d spent most evenings (and mornings and afternoons – okay, Joohyun was insatiable) with one another. They were friends. Shouldn’t friends tell each other these things?

She made a snap decision and, after changing into an outfit she was sure Seulgi would appreciate, drove herself straight to Seulgi’s apartment.

After texting to ensure that Seulgi was alone and at home, she knocked on the birthday girl’s door.

“Happy birthday,” she greeted, shrugging her jacket off partially to reveal her outfit beneath.

Seulgi grinned but surprise covered her expression. “_Aigoo_. Is this real? Am I dreaming? Is this a joke?”

Joohyun scoffed. As if she’d drive to Seulgi’s apartment in a trench coat with nothing under it but her skimpiest lingerie as a _joke_.

“Yes, no and _no. _Happy birthday, _pabo_. Now let's go to your bed and accept your gift. We could be naked _right now_.”

“Well, who would I be to deny a gift like that?” Seulgi agreed. “But doesn’t it also benefit you?”

“You know me so well, Seulgi,” Joohyun conformed, pushing her way past her and closing the door. “Take off your clothes.”

“Does this mean I don’t actually get a present?” Seulgi pouted.

Joohyun responded by throwing her coat at her.

After, they sat on Seulgi’s bed and just talked through the night. Joohyun borrowed a shirt and shorts from the dancer, and had already decided that she was going to steal them both.

(The shirt had all of Joohyun’s favourite scents - her favourite laundry detergent, fabric softener and a third smell that was distinctly Seulgi.)

One of the great things about their friendship was that as amazing as their sex was - and it really, truly was - they also had a great connection. Joohyun could talk to Seulgi for hours about anything and everything. They’d challenge each other, make each other laugh, argue and agree. She was never bored around her. It was amazing how comfortable she was with her.

“Really though, thank you Joohyun,” Seulgi said, as they moved under the covers to fall asleep. Joohyun’s eyelids were dropping and she rested her head against Seulgi’s shoulder. “This has been a hard year - leaving Japan and coming back here, starting a new job. You’ve helped...make it feel like home again. I love...having you around.”

Joohyun sat up a bit, resting her head on her hand to face her.

“I love having you around too, Seul. You’re an amazing friend and I hope all of your birthday wishes come true.”

Maybe it was because it was her birthday and she was looking up at her with so much admiration that Joohyun couldn’t help herself - she leaned down and pressed a gentle, lingering kiss on Seulgi’s lips.

It had been their first kiss without a promise or expectation for more.

“Happy birthday, Seul.”

“Thank you, Hyunnie.”

\---

Every year Joohyun was set-up on a date by her mother. It would start with a phone call - her mother lamenting that she wanted grandchildren, that Joohyun wasn’t getting any younger, that she always wanted to see her walk down the aisle, etc. These phone calls, would go on longer than Joohyun ever wanted, and would always end with a sneak-attack. Except the sneak attacks weren’t so sneaky anymore, as they were inevitable and annoying.

_“Soongyu’s niece _ _Byuli_ _ is back from abroad and guess what, Joohyun? She’s a lesbian now! You two are going out on Saturday, you’ll meet at their restaurant, wear a tasteful dress.”_

When she came out to her parents, she thought these blind dates would end, but they didn’t. Instead of being set-up with her parents’ friends’ most eligible bachelor sons, she was set up with the most eligible bachelorette _daughters. _Part of her was touched that they made an effort to find her a girlfriend, but the bigger part of her was annoyed that they wouldn’t just leave her alone about it.

She went on the date and met Byuli. She was great but they had nothing in common. They had a good conversation though and had been texting a lot since then. While it wasn’t a love connection for her, she was happy to have met a decent person through the fiasco that was her mother’s meddling.

While she was on the date, she realized how lucky she was to have such a good friend in Seulgi, who she could connect with emotionally and physically, but not be tied down to. She liked that it was casual with her.

Seulgi really was the perfect friend.

But she also knew that she shouldn’t tell Seulgi about it. She told herself it was for a number of reasons - Seulgi’s feelings, Seulgi might get jealous, Seulgi might take it the wrong way. She told herself it had nothing to do with the feeling of guilt she had over it.

“You’re popular,” Seulgi commented, a few days later. They were cuddling on Joohyun’s couch, having just finished the latest episode of Sooyoung’s new drama. Joohyun had been giving the show half of her attention, as she had been texting back-and-forth with Byuli.

She had been trying to convince Joohyun to go out on another date with her and honestly, Joohyun was a little tempted. She was funny and carefree, and even though she didn’t feel the romantic spark with her, she _did_ have fun. And talking to her didn’t have the same weight that she sometimes felt when she was with Seulgi.

Like things were deepening to a degree that she wasn’t ready for.

“Sorry, I’ll put it away,” she said. She turned off her ringtone and put it on the coffee table, leaning back into Seulgi’s embrace.

Friends cuddled. It was normal. But not the way Seulgi would almost revel in her touch. Still, Joohyun didn’t want to think about that.

“No, it’s fine. Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Just a girl.”

“A...girl.”

Joohyun sighed. She knew Seulgi’s tone and wanted to avoid the conversation, but she knew it was bound to come up.

She explained the situation - her mother setting her up on a date a few weeks ago, and that she’d struck up a friendship with the girl ever since.

Joohyun knew at this point how to read her, and she knew immediately that the dancer was upset but trying not to show it.

“Did you have fun?”

“It was alright! I don’t think I’ll see her again though.”

“No?” Seulgi asked, her voice cracking a little. “She’s been blowing up your phone though, you’ve been distracted all night.”

“She’s cute and she compliments me,” Joohyun answered with a shrug. “I told her I’m not really a big relationship person and that I just want to be friends.”

Seulgi stiffened.

“Friends like how we are?” she asked in a small voice.

Joohyun could see the worry in Seulgi’s eyes.

“No, you’re still my favourite friend,” Joohyun answered with a teasing grin, hoping to lighten the mood.

It didn’t work. Seulgi pulled away, then stood up.

“Seul, you okay?”

“I just remembered, I have a thing tomorrow morning,” she murmured, gathering her things quickly around the room, “and it’s really early in the morning so I have to go home.”

This was a first. Seulgi always stayed the night - even if she had to get up extra early. She was so obvious. It was clear that she was not happy and Joohyun was annoyed.

She _knew_ their arrangement - why was she being so sensitive about it?

“Seulgi,” Joohyun sighed. She really didn’t need to have this conversation right now (or ever).

“What?”

“Don’t be like this,” Joohyun said. She was already tired of how Seulgi was behaving. “You’re being weird.”

Seulgi bit her lip, like she was trying to stop herself from saying more.

“You don’t get it...” Seulgi grabbed her jacket and made her way to Joohyun’s door. “I’m just going to go.”

“Get what? Stop being like this, you _know_ what this is,” Joohyun argued, stopping her before she reached the doorknob. “Look at me, Seulgi!”

She took Seulgi’s wrist and turned her, ready to argue with Seulgi that _her_ way was what was best for both of them. But she flinched when she noticed the tears welling up in the dancer’s eyes.

“Seulgi…”

“We’d be great together!” Seulgi yelled. Joohyun took a step back, the words hitting her. “But you don’t want that! And sometimes I can deal with what we have_, _because just to be around you is usually enough. But it isn’t right now and I don’t want to hear about you going on dates, so just...let me go home.”

“Seulgi-ya.”

“Let me go, _please_. I know I have no right to be jealous, so please just let me go.” Seulgi looked down helplessly at her wrist, which Joohyun was still clutching.

She let go, like it was on fire.

“Goodnight, Joohyun.”

And she left.

—

** _Fourth relationship._ **

After her third relationship ended, she tried to move on quickly. She wanted to find someone worth giving her heart to and after many failed first and second dates, she found someone.

She was smart, beautiful and ambitious. She had a high paying career in an intense industry. She was older, professional and more experienced in every way.

At first she was perfect. She doted on Joohyun, took care of her every need, showed her off to her friends. Anything she wanted - and things she didn’t - were hers.

But slowly, cracks began to appear. She was needy and difficult to please. She wasn’t supportive of Joohyun, preferring Joohyun to quit her job and be available to her whenever she needed. She didn’t respect Joohyun’s independence or intelligence, often belittling her in front of others.

Joohyun soon realized that she wasn’t looking for an equal in her - she was looking for a trophy wife.

It took Joohyun too long to end the relationship. She got too comfortable with her and was afraid to be alone - especially after thinking she had found the one.

But after one humiliating night of being patronised and shown off, she left.

She broke up with her, moved to Seoul shortly after, and decided to focus on her career. She swore off relationships - at first, temporarily, while she worked to build a successful career. Then she just continued to swear them off.

It was easier to be alone than to be disappointed in someone.

————

** _Last love_ **

Finally, she got the promotion she’d been waiting for. With it came more regular hours, more stability, more respect. She didn’t have to work under her chauvinist boss anymore and was able to lead her own team. She could work on the stories _she_ wanted to work on.

She hadn’t seen Seulgi - or any of the girls - for weeks. In the name of adapting to the new role and responsibilities, she’d avoided seeing them all. She ignored their calls, was late to replying to their texts.

She just didn’t want to see any of them. Especially Seulgi.

Joohyun didn’t know if she had it in her to deal with all their unresolved issues.

It was a usual Thursday. She’d gotten home late and was going to boil water for ramyun, with plans to do a little more work before going to bed. This Thursday though, came with an unexpected knock on the door as she was filling her kettle.

Seulgi was on the other side with an apprehensive smile.

“Seulgi-ya?”

“Wendy told me you’d been working late every night and I…” she sheepishly lifted up a bag of food. “I brought your favourite - tteokbokki.”

Joohyun couldn’t help herself. Her eyes started to water. Looking at Seulgi, standing in front of her with this seemingly little gesture made her realize how tired and alone she’d felt lately.

She threw her arms around the woman. For the first time in weeks she felt like she could breathe again.

“Thank you, Seulgi.”

They ate in silence. So much needed to be said since their last conversation but Joohyun didn’t want to dredge it up. She had barely any energy for herself.

“It’s midnight,” Seulgi said, as they finished their meal.

“Mmm.”

A small wrapped gift appeared in front of her.

“Happy birthday, unnie.”

“What?”

“It’s March 29. It’s your birthday.”

Joohyun grabbed her phone out of her pocket and sure enough - it was her birthday. Tears started to well up in her eyes once again. She’d been so overcome by her work she lost track of time and the days started to meld together and she hadn't realized.

She let her work take over her life again and she barely had time for herself.

“Wait, stop,” Seulgi said in a panic, getting up to pull Joohyun into a hug. She let herself sink into Seulgi’s arms. “This was not what I wanted, please don’t cry.”

Joohyun laughed sadly, then wiped at her eyes, still wrapped in Seulgi’s arms.

“I didn’t even realize. I’ve been so busy, I… didn’t even notice. I had no idea.”

“Hey, don’t feel bad. We all get wrapped up in work sometimes.”

“Not like I do.”

“Sometimes we need to be reminded to take care of ourselves. That’s okay.” Seulgi took the box off the table. “This really isn’t worth all your tears. Just open it, you’ll see, it’s nothing.”

She grabbed it - leaning into Seulgi’s shoulder, not wanting to lose contact just yet - and delicately opened the wrapper.

It was a small picture frame - barely the size of a 3x5 photo. Displayed in it was Joohyun’s first article out of university, for a paper in Daegu she did freelance work for. It was nothing - a few words on the restoration of a playground - but seeing it made her heart swell.

“Wendy told me you got a promotion - congratulations, by the way. I wanted to commemorate that with something special. I did some digging - kind of, Wendy asked your sister to help me with this - she’s really nice, by the way - and she got me in touch with your first boss. She sent me a copy of the first big paper you were published in and...well, I framed it.”

Joohyun gasped, knowing all the effort she put into it must have been massive. She felt tears tracking down her face, but instead of them being out of sadness, this was different.

“Hey, no, no more of that,” Seulgi said, wiping them away with her thumbs. “It’s your birthday; you should be happy.”

“I am happy, Seulgi. This is perfect. You...make me happy.”

Seulgi shrugged. “It’s nothing. Honestly, I’m just glad it was this article and not your second. I didn’t feel comfortable asking for a custom frame for an article about a murderous surgeon…”

Joohyun laughed. “Thank you, Seulgi-ya.”

The next morning Joohyun woke up Seulgi’s arms. It’d been the first time that had happened without something more taking place.

They fell asleep shortly after Seulgi gave her the gift - Joohyun insisted she stay the night. All they did was sleep. Joohyun was exhausted from her work day and the stress of everything.

She looked at her phone - it was 6 am.

She would’ve usually been on her way to work already, before everyone else got there. She decided to call in sick. She could use the day off.

She wrapped her arms around Seulgi’s small waist, pulling the woman closer to her.

What was the point of working so hard if it kept you from moments like this?

\---

“I don’t know of Seulgi mentioned this, but a member of one of the pre-debut girl groups asked her out.”

Joohyun was at Wendy’s apartment, helping the Idol prepare cookies for her staff.

Wendy was forgiving and understanding when Joohyun finally reached out to her. She understood being overwhelmed by work - she was an Idol, after all - but it didn’t make Joohyun feel any less apologetic that she’d once again let her friendships take a back-seat to her job.

They were catching up on the latest in each other’s lives - Joohyun skirting around her issues with Seulgi - when Wendy surprised her with that bit of information.

“What?” Joohyun asked. She tried to look neutral but she knew her wide eyes betrayed her.

Seulgi didn’t mention anything about _dating_ to her.

“Yeah. I was surprised too - I’ve known that girl since she was barely a teenager and now she’s flirting with women in front of everyone! But she’s one of the older members of the group, she’s 22. Still young though,” Wendy said. “She’s smitten and she confessed to Seulgi after dance practice. Apparently she did it in front of a group of people - who knew young people could be so bold.”

Joohyun just nodded, frowning a little. She busied herself by continuing to mix the cookie batter - before Wendy took the bowl from her hands.

“Unnie _stop_. You’ll over mix the dough,” she said, placing the bowl next to the cookie sheets. “Anyway, I guess she knew what she wanted and just went for it.”

Wendy gave her a pointed look before grabbing two spoons for them to start scooping the dough onto the baking trays.

Joohyun busied herself with preparing the cookies, not really wanting to learn more about the bold, young, probably beautiful and talented girl who asked Seulgi out (but _dying_ to hear more).

“Apparently Seulgi and her went out for coffee after. I’m not sure, really,” Wendy added, filling in the silence. “I’ve only heard rumours and Seulgi was pretty shy about it when I asked her.”

Joohyun hummed in acknowledgement, hoping that it sounded nonchalant. It probably didn’t, based on Wendy’s raised eyebrows.

“How do you feel?”

“What do you mean?”

“You and Seulgi.” Wendy stopped Joohyun from aggressively scooping the scraps from the bowl. The raw cookies were all on the sheets, ready to for baking. “You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”

“What? No!” Joohyun denied.

Wendy sighed, taking the sheets and putting them in the oven. Once they were in, she turned to Joohyun, her hands on her hips.

“Unnie, you don’t need to lie to me. It’s fine.”

“No, Wendy. I’m not lying,” she said, her blush betraying her.

The Idol quirked her eyebrow up, reminding Joohyun of a mother reprimanding her child.

“Maybe you should stop lying to yourself…”

“We’re just friends,” Joohyun murmured feebly.

“Who sleep with each other.” Wendy casually added, as she placed all the dishes in the sink.

Joohyun’s jaw dropped. Her legs buckled a little under her and found a stool to sit on.

“What? You knew?”

She thought they’d been careful!

“Of course I knew, you’re my best friend and you two have been _so obvious._” Wendy said. “I thought you would say something to me about it, eventually! But you didn’t, and you both have been so weird around each other lately, I thought maybe something happened.”

“No. Nothing did. We’re friends, that’s all. Really.”

“Friends with benefits.”

Joohyun shrugged. “I guess so. Except we haven’t...benefited in a while.”

“Are you okay with that?”

“I don’t know. On the one hand, I’m fine. You know I don’t do relationships. I like my independence and not having to rely on other people.”

“She’s not like your exes, you know,” Wendy said, reading between the lines. “And you’re smart enough to know that ‘friends with benefits’ is a stupid arrangement that never works out.”

“I know. And that’s the other hand,” Joohyun said. “But I’m afraid.”

“What’s the worst that could happen?”

“I could have my heart broken,” Joohyun said, like it was obvious.

“I can’t tell the future, but I know that Seulgi would rather walk through fire than ever hurt you.”

Joohyun groaned and rested her head on her elbows on Wendy’s kitchen island.

“Why did she have to be so perfect for me?” Joohyun whined into her arms. “She’s just so sweet and funny and supportive and I didn’t want this to happen. I was _fine _alone.”

“Were you?” Wendy asked, placing a comforting hand on Joohyun’s shoulder. “Unnie, you were...just there. You were a little jaded and way too focused on work. You barely had time for any of us. You were so stressed out, we were worried. Then you met Seulgi and...you smile more, lately.”

Joohyun picked her head up from her arms.

“I know,” she quietly acknowledged.

“Look, I’m not saying that your happiness is completely dependent on another person but she’s helped you. And isn’t that good? Shouldn’t that be a good enough reason to _try_? Especially before someone else gets to her. I’m not saying that this trainee is a threat but I see Seulgi almost every day. Lots of people look at her. But she only looks at you.

“She won’t look at you forever.”

\---

Always the over-thinker, Joohyun sat down at her table when she got home from Wendy’s and started a list.

On the top of the page, in her neat scrawl, read “Dating Seulgi: Cons.”

She stared at the blank page for a moment, before writing one thing:

  1. _I’m scared_

She flipped the page over then wrote “Dating Seulgi: Pros”

Easily words started flowing from her pen onto the paper.

  1. _She’s good to me_
  2. _She taught me balance_
  3. _She’s an amazing hugger_
  4. _She’s supportive and encouraging_
  5. _She’s kind to everyone_
  6. _She’s there for me when I need her_
  7. _She’s beautiful_
  8. _She laughs with her whole body, even when my jokes are terrible_
  9. _She makes me laugh, even when HER jokes are terrible_
  10. _Her eyes_
  11. _Her abs_
  12. _Her toned legs and arms_
  13. _Her hands_
  14. _Her mouth_
  15. _The sex is AMAZING_
  16. _AMAZING!!!_
  17. _She’s not like anyone else I’ve ever dated (in a good way)_
  18. _She’s patient with me_
  19. _She challenges me_
  20. _I’m in love with her_

She sighed and stared at the list before her. She could’ve kept going, but stopped herself. She flipped back to the previous page and circled the one item on the list.

“Ugh!” she groaned out loud, before tearing the page from her notebook and crumpling it up.

There could’ve been 100 things on the Pros list, but the single item on the Cons felt like it weighed 1000 times more.

What was wrong with her!? She knew she wanted Seulgi. It was obvious, especially on a physical level. But even deeper than that, she knew they could be great together. That maybe, if she just stopped being so terrified, everything that she’d been looking for had been staring at her, waiting for her this whole time.

But she spent so much of the past few years defining herself as independent, single and in need of no one but herself. She got used to being alone and scoffing at anyone who tried to convince her otherwise.

And part of her still believed it. She’d grown so much by herself. She was fulfilled all on her own.

But maybe Wendy was right - she was alone, and she was fine, but was she happy? Was she at her best? Or did Seulgi inspire both things out of her?

She uncrumpled the balled up page and tried to flatten out the creases.

She needed the list as a reminder of what she could have if she was just a little more brave.

—

It was girls night again - this time a small get-together at Wendy’s apartment. There was tension in the air when Joohyun saw Seulgi, but she tried to ignore it.

Instead she focused on how much she loved her friends. Wendy’s calm and sensible energy. Sooyoung’s generous and easy affection. Yeri’s fun and bright confidence.

And...well, she had a list of all the things she loved about Seulgi.

Joohyun took a cab to Wendy’s, so at the end of the night, Seulgi offered her a ride home. Joohyun ignored Wendy’s pointed looks when she accepted.

The drive back was quiet - Joohyun hummed along to the music while Seulgi bopped along in her seat. It was nice - almost like it was before.

But before wasn’t good enough anymore.

She had stressed cleaned her apartment earlier - as she often did when she was overwhelmed - and she remembered something as they neared her apartment.

“Oh, I have that book I was telling you about. Wanna come up and get it?”

(Okay, this was totally a ploy to spend more time with her.)

“Sure.”

Seulgi pulled into the visitor parking stall - a spot her car had often taken - and they took the familiar steps up to Joohyun’s apartment.

“Can I get some water?” Seulgi asked, as they entered.

“Sure. You know where everything is, take what you like,” Joohyun called out, making her way to her spare room where her bookshelf was. She found the book - her well-read copy of _Kim Ji Young, Born 1982_.

“Found it,” she announced, walking back to the living room, which was empty. “Seulgi-ya, where are you? How long does it take for someone to get water...”

That's when she remembered.

Her list.

She put it up on her fridge before she left.

She tossed the book on her couch then went straight to the kitchen and saw her.

Seulgi staring at the list, confusion all over her face. She held it up.

“What’s this?” Her voice wavered.

_Shit._

“You’re scared? Of what? Me?” Seulgi asked.

“Yes?” she answered. Usually so self-assured, the timidness sounded out of place in her voice.

“Are you telling me or are you asking me?” Seulgi’s eyebrows were raised, incredulously. “What is this even?”

She went to turn the page, and Joohyun tried to stop her before she saw it, but couldn’t grab it in time.

There Seulgi was, reading every feeling and thought she had about her. Joohyun felt cracked open and exposed.

It was so quiet in the room, Joohyun was afraid Seulgi could hear her heart beating.

She didn’t know what to do when Seulgi began to tear up, silent tears tracking down her cheeks.

“You’re in love with me?”

All Joohyun could do was nod.

“Since when?”

She took a deep breath and tried to push down her insecurities.

“I think I’ve been in love with you for awhile but I… was in denial about it.”

“Is this a joke?”

“What? God, no, Seulgi.”

“What does this mean?”

“I honestly don’t know.” She drew in a shaky breath. “It means that I’m scared but...I want you. But not in the way that I’ve been having you.”

“No?”

“I don’t want to be your friend anymore. I want more.” Her already quiet voice nearly came out as a whisper. “But I know I might be too late. Seulgi, I know you’ve been dating.”

“What?”

“Wendy told me about that rookie Idol who confessed to you and how you two went out for coffee.”

Seulgi wiped away her tears with the sleeve of her shirt and shook her head.

“Nothing happened. I told her I was in love with someone else.”

Joohyun blinked, then blurted out the first thing on her mind.

“I really hope you were talking about me.”

Seulgi laughed, and even through her watery tears Joohyun had never heard anything more beautiful. She then put the list back on the fridge, where it was before.

Quietly, while tracing her fingers over Joohyun’s printing on the page, she said, “I think I fell in love with you when you were convincing yourself to leave after our one-night stand. And I’ve just been waiting for you ever since then.”

“You have?”

Seulgi nodded.

“Honestly, I think I’ve been waiting for you my whole life.”

She turned from the list and finally returned Joohyun’s stare. She reached with both hands to caress Joohyun’s cheeks.

“I never wanted to be just your friend, but that’s what you wanted so… I would’ve waited for you forever,” Seulgi continued.

Joohyun leaned into Seulgi’s touch, her eyelids drooping at the touch she’d been longing for.

“I don’t want to be scared anymore,” Joohyun said.

Seulgi tilted up her chin, so they were eye-to-eye.

“You don’t have to be. I’m here.”

And for once, Joohyun believed her.

She finally closed the distance, taking Seulgi’s breath with her own. Their lips moved together in a familiar way - they’d kissed hundreds of times at this point - but this time there was something deeper.

Like instead of the uncertainty fueling her passion, this time it was pure love.

Seulgi’s kisses always took her breath away. She was easily the best lover she's ever had. But she could tell even from their kiss, there really was something better about being with the person you were meant to be with. Having their mutual feelings for each other be out in the open made a huge difference.

Wordlessly, Joohyun took Seulgi’s hand and led her to her bedroom, kicking the door behind her.

She started to undress herself and Seulgi followed suit, removing articles of clothing and revealing themselves to one another. They’d done this so many times before, but this was different - they were opening themselves to one another.

Soon they were both fully naked, skin against skin on her bed. She laid on top of Seulgi, straddling the beautiful woman, and began to trail kisses down her body.

She took her time. She wanted to worship Seulgi’s body the way it deserved, to paint apologies on her skin with hands, mouth and tongue, to have every part of Seulgi feel how loved she was with every touch.

She kissed down her chest and reached Seulgi’s breasts. She took one of the buds into her mouth and sucked, swirling her tongue around it. Seulgi’s nipples were so sensitive, and her breath shook with every lick and nip.

She knew Seulgi was ready for more by how her hands began to clutch at her more fervently, as if stopping herself from pushing Joohyun down her body. That only made her want to go slower and draw out Seulgi’s pleasure even more.

She reached up again and brought Seulgi’s lips back to her own, where they belonged, then continued trailing kisses lower. Past her breasts, with a few more lips licks to her nipples (she couldn’t help herself), down to her stomach, where she gently bit into the abs she loved so much.

Seulgi’s legs spread open as she neared her cunt, but Joohyun didn’t immediately go to where she was needed most. First she traced her tongue over the hard lines of Seulgi’s hip bones, sucking and leaving love marks along the way.

Then she kissed down and softly bit into Seulgi’s upper thighs. She loved her legs so much - from the way the muscles flexed and extended while she danced to how they bent against her while they made love.

Joohyun finally reached her center, and by reflex breathed in deeply, enjoying the musky but sweet scent that uniquely belonged to the woman she loved. She reached behind to bring her closer to her, squeezing the woman’s perfect ass with her hands.

Then she dipped her tongue in.

She fucked her with her tongue as she used her nose to brush against her clit. Seulgi was thrashing above her, so she kept one firm hand on her hip to keep her in place.

She moved her tongue up to her clit, then drew slow, precise circles around it, while she easily dipped one, and then two fingers into her.

“God, you’re so wet,” Joohyun said. She couldn’t help the awe in her voice.

Seulgi was an incoherent mess. With every thrust, every alternating flick and circle of Joohyun tongue, she got closer. Joohyun paid close attention to what made her scream, what made her twitch, what made her tighten around her fingers.

She was addicted and she never wanted to be cured.

When Seulgi came, it was with a moan that resonated loudly in Joohyun’s small room. Surely the neighbors heard, but she didn’t care.

She wanted the world to know Seulgi was hers and she belonged to Seulgi.

Seulgi shook against her fingers, her body having tight little earthquakes against her. Even just feeling Seulgi around her fingers and tasting her on her tongue, Joohyun couldn’t help her own moan.

She pulled her fingers out slowly and replaced them with broad strokes of her tongue to clean Seulgi off, giving her aftershocks that made her writhe under her. Seulgi grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her up. She slowly kissed her, tasting herself and groaning.

“Sit on my face,” Seulgi said as they pulled away.

Joohyun almost fell off the bed.

“_God_, what?”

“Please?” Seulgi asked, almost desperately. “I want to feel you everywhere.”

Who was Joohyun to deny a request like that? She quickly scrambled to straddle Seulgi’s face.

She looked down at the woman below her, mouth open and waiting, looking thoroughly ravaged herself. There was something so primal about this position.

She felt two strong hands grasp her hips and push her down onto Seulgi’s waiting mouth. Immediately, the sensation of being licked into at this angle - so completely and deeply, made her cry out. She held onto the headboard for support.

She whined and keened at the feelings Seulgi’s mouth were inspiring, as her tongue drew firm, deliciously wet circles against her clit and into her centre, in perfect tandem. She was being worked up so perfectly, in a way that only a familiar lover could, but also in a way that no one else ever had before.

Sex with Seulgi was always incredible. Making love to Seulgi was beyond that.

Soon, with a strength that she didn’t know Seulgi possessed, she found herself being lifted and laid flat on the bed. She was brought down with a yelp, her fingers tight against Seulgi’s scalp. She could barely register the change in position, because Seulgi immediately replaced her mouth with two fingers, firmly curling into her. They maintained a steady pace as her thumb rubbed her clit.

Seulgi kissed up her body, lapping at her breasts, eventually reaching her lips and capturing them in a sloppy, urgent kiss. Joohyun tried to kiss Seulgi back but was losing focus the closer she got.

Joohyun was so close. She had been on edge the whole night, and she could feel her orgasming nearing with every thrust of Seulgi’s wrist and flick of her thumb.

Then suddenly, Seulgi’s stare became intense - more intense than Joohyun has ever seen. Her fingers pistoned deeper and faster, then with a deep and lingering kiss, and a sincerity that Joohyun had never heard from anyone else, said, “I love you,”

Joohyun’s orgasm overcame her with waves of pleasure as it washed over her body. Her body arched itself as she convulsed over Seulgi’s fingers, who kept up her pace as much as she could, extending her euphoria.

Just when she thought it was over, and it would start back up again, coming harder and more earth-shattering than the last. She clutched at Seulgi’s back, her nails probably leaving marks as she rode her orgasm to completion.

Finally she dropped back onto the bed, gasping for air, Seulgi’s surprised chuckle snapping her back to reality. She slowly slipped her fingers out of her, making her shudder at the loss.

“Wow, Joohyun,” Seulgi said, in awe. Joohyun pushed Seulgi over and cuddled into her.

“I love you too, thanks for killing me,” Joohyun said, weakly trying to catch her breath. Seulgi laughed again, and while they usually would’ve earned her a swat from the journalist, she was too spent to do anything but drape her whole body on Seulgi’s.

“God, you’re always so cuddly after.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“It’s definitely not, I love it,” Seulgi said, her arms tightening around her. She loved how safe she felt in her arms. “My cute, cuddly Joohyunnie.”

“_My?_”

“Uh…”

Joohyun grinned.

“I like that. I can be yours.”

Seulgi matched her smile - and somehow, Joohyun’s world got a little brighter.

That was one more item for the list.

\---

**Final relationship.**

When Joohyun met Seulgi, she was looking for a distraction. What she ended up finding was the one love worth all of her attention.

**Author's Note:**

> **If you see this fic posted anywhere but Archive of Our Own and AsianFanfics, it has been copied without my consent. Please do not repost and do not convert/plagiarize this work.**


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